The last couple weeks threw me out of my regularly-scheduled program. There's nothing harder to juggle than out-of-my-hands reasons for not having face-to-face class time with my students at the very beginning of the semester. Labor Day and tailgaiting (which shut down my PAID-FOR parking lot and made getting to class a headache) led to online class assignments and a pouty-faced Ms. G. Don't get me wrong -- I enjoyed the "downtime" and worked quite well with laptop/iPad in various coffee shops, but, again, it's challenging to get into my academic groove thing when the university schedule throws me a couple curve balls.
On the plus side: my students kicked booty creating online communities with the most thorough and active post-and-response session over the week. My jaw dropped, honestly, at the authentic, engaging, and well thought out conversations that I witnessed via Blackboard (which, let's face it, is not the most user friendly technology out there).
On another plus side: I was able to have a Pamper Day on the Friday during my "break." Now, quick tangent (on a more serious note), over the last several years, I've really struggled with the idea of pampering. As a relatively well-adjusted workaholic adult, I normally look at my bank account, bite my nails, look at my never-ending To-Do List, bite my lip, look at my laundry loads and stacks of papers to grade, and then tell myself that there no time or money to be a "frivolous" female.
Want more?
Want more?
Several years ago, a wise lady (who I was paying to give me very wise advice during a dark pit of despair) asked me why I: 1) called it frivolous, and 2) thought of it as a negative waste, not a necessity. Good questions. I started to answer her and eventually had to quit trying to self-analyze because I kept getting too defensive. I finally just threw up my hands and told her I'd try to pamper without feeling guilty about it. Easier said than done!
I pride myself on being frugal and level-headed -- made all the easier when money and free time are rather limited. (Especially with parents who liked to tease/prick my conscience about each and every purpose I ever made as a child.) I pride myself on being kept busy and being a good teacher/worker/citizen/etc. When I graduated grad school and had my first real "big girl teaching job," my life revolved around work. And my health quickly suffered for it -- all those all-nighters, class periods where I determinedly taught with fevers and strep, turned-down socializing so that I could simply sleep/stare burned-out at the walls/email students/volunteer for workshops/travel to conferences/and so on. I didn't have a real vacation (always a working one where I rarely, if ever, got my feet onto the sand -- and when I did... Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt!
As a Christian, but not a Catholic, I sure did inherit some hella intense guilt genes from generations of my Italian ancestors. Shoulds and Needs and Duties fill my brain -- almost to the point of forcing me into immobility. When I was a new educator, it wasn't until I'd had far-too-regular bouts of mono and bronchitis and strep (oh my!) -- with no health insurance -- that I knew I needed to make some major changes. It started with the curtailing of sacrificing sleep to grade or lesson plan. Tomorrow became another day, which fueled my perfectionistic procrastination tendencies, but that's a post for another time. It took a couple more semesters before I could tell my students that their papers would take a little longer -- without the overwhelming need to apologize due to my TEACHER GUILT -- but it finally happened. The world didn't end. And my health improved. And I became a runner to boot.
It took longer to assuage my guilt about "pampering" myself. Between wise questions and the administrations of my fantastic (and much needed!) big sister massage therapist, I realized the importance of taking care of myself on a regular basis -- not just when time and money are on my side. Not just in terms of sleep, better eating, running, and time management. But also in terms of not looking too closely at the price tag from time to time. And then ripping off the tags so that buyer's remorse won't kick in (guilt!) and force me to return something that I got for me, not for class, students, the house, or other people. For me. Guilt free. Pampering. Why? Because I deserve it, damn it. It's a much-needed reward to remind myself to take a moment to check in with E, take myself on a date, and just breathe. Who knew that breathing could be such a difficult process at times!
Occasionally, niggling reminders about how I SHOULD spend this little bit of time and money intrude upon my pampering. And they are slapped down. Hard. The niggling happens less and less these days. And my slaps have gotten harder, more self-assured, and much more satisfying.
So. How did I spend my most recent Pamper Day? I began with my crown. I lavished my tresses with much needed attention in the morning (and giggled and shot the breeze with my amazing hair stylist). Then I treated myself to a healthy lunch out before going for the Full Monty with a mani-pedi. Yes, I shrieked with laughter when the bottoms of my feet were scrubbed -- which delighted the salon owner to the point where he gave me a discount because "your joy brightens our day and this place." Score for being über ticklish!
Happy hair! Amazing what a little glaze and a few snips in the right places can do to make your whole outlook on life so much brighter.
PS: Quick shout out to a new make up essential that my friend and I discovered recently -- Color Show Polka Dots by Maybelline. While I enjoyed my vampiric red nail color on my feet and hands, the clear coat with black/white polka dots just took it over the top! Couldn't be easier either.
Less than 5 bucks at Target too. It's been almost 1.5 weeks and my nails are still looking rather sexy, with only minor chipping. If you can paint on a clear coat, you too can rock this look.
I then went out for a dinner and movie night (no, not by myself, nosy!) and woke (yes, by myself!) in splendor the next day, refreshed and ready to be productive. And eager to be back in the classroom. I honestly missed my students!
So, friends, how do you pamper yourself? How often do you pamper yourself: daily, monthly, never? Do feel the guilt/buyer's remorse? Or are you more experienced in silencing party-pooping voices?
Onwards,
~E
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